Jun
28
My Pa
June 28, 2010 | 6 Comments
Today, I watched as my Grandfather passed away.
Monday, June 28th, 2010 at around 12pm my wife, Sara, called me at work to relay a message that the time was near for my Grandfather and that as soon as Ian (my Uncle) arrived from Nanaimo, he would be taken off oxygen. My Mother had left the message and the gist was that if I wanted to be there for his final moments I could. It took me a while to gather the courage but I headed to the hospital to be there, where I had some private moments with him as he lay unconscious with my sweet Grandmother who was always at his side.
At the hospital, time seemed to move as a ball might on an irregular, steep, yet thickly viscous surface; one moment time seemed to barely move, and at times it flew but always with a sense of foreshadowing. Nearer to his passing time seemed to disappear altogether in a peaceful way. I won’t share any further details of his passing other than it was all that any family-focused person could hope it would be, because he was surrounded and held by his loving family to the last moments.
What I do want to share, are a few memories of my Pa (as my brother and I called him) that I treasure.
To begin, I want to preface everything about my Pa with one simple fact – I have always been in awe of his powerful bond with life. I imagine that sounds really cheesy but consider this: my Pa, Ken MacNeill, barely survived Polio as a child, had diabetes, suffered multiple heart attacks resulting in open heart surgery and yet, he made it to his late 80′s and he was still walking (partially) up until just a few weeks ago when the Post Polio Syndrome took his legs. Count the fact that he helped raise 4 children, built the house he lived in from the ground up and was a wonderful, active Grandfather to his many grandchildren… need I say more?
His strength and tenacity aside, my Pa and I spent a lot of time together when I was young. He and I would take his dog Freckles for a walk through the woods nearby his home and he would regale me with stories of the area and how different things looked. I was a very willing ear. In fact, I loved his stories because I was fascinated with old Victoria, BC, and what it must have been like to grow up when the city was so much smaller. You see, my Pa was born and raised in Victoria, BC, and had some pretty great stories about growing up around the very area that I grew up in.
Pa and I would also go fishing together in my small boat or his, and on other days we would go for a drive and he would take me duck watching. In most cases, I did these things with Pa because I wanted to spend time with him. I would never have admitted this to him, but I was never very interested in ducks, and when we went fishing he almost always picked the same fishing spots that I knew (or soon knew) were no longer worthwhile. That didn’t matter though, I just wanted to be with my Pa to hear his stories and be close to him. It was always worthwhile.
Now this eulogy of sorts would not be complete without a couple quotes/beliefs from my Pa that are still with me to this day:
- “Be kind to others”
When I asked him at one point to tell me what words of advice he would want to pass on to future generations, he deliberated for a moment and that was his answer. There is no doubt, this is far from unique but there is a reason for that. - “When going outdoors, always wear more clothes than you need, you can always take some off.”
My Pa always said this to me before we went fishing and to this day I hear him say that every time I go outdoors. It is amazing how simple and obvious, yet helpful such wisdom can be. I can say with certainty that his wisdom has saved me from some very uncomfortable hiking conditions more than a few times in my life.
There are many more fond memories, thoughts and feelings rushing throughout my mind right now but I think I will stop at this point. Suffice it to say that I loved my Pa very much and I am so very glad I could be there for his final moments. It was hard getting the courage to be at his bedside but once I was there, it was clear to me that I was in the very place I should be to pay my respects to my truly grand grandfather.
I am very glad you got to meet my little boy. Rest in peace Pa.
Comments
6 Comments so far
Ross,
I’m very sorry for your loss. Thanks so much for sharing your experience. I think death is something that doesn’t get talked about enough in our society. It really makes me reflect on whats really important. With the online world such a dominant part of our realities these days, I see it especially clearly that its easy to spend a lot of time making superficial connections but never really connecting or making memories with others. Not to say that you can’t have meaningful relationships online, but it’s a good time to reflect and think about who we share our time with and how we spend our lives. Every moment is precious!
Your grandfather’s words of advice are wonderful, and I very much enjoyed reading them.
Thank you for your kind words Terri, they are appreciated and I think you make some very good points. Honestly, I could fill a book with the feelings I have had over the past few days from this experience. I remain steadfast, however, that I treasured being there for Pa’s last moments as hard as they were to experience. It has definitely put life in a new light. See you soon.
Ross, I loved reading this. I was absolutely heart broken not being able to be there with the family, but am so glad he passed with so many loved ones by his side. That picture you have posted is the first pic i’ve seen of him since he’s passed…and as much as it made me burst into tears..it brought a huge smile to my face He was a pretty fantastic man, who led a life anyone would be proud of. Thank you for writing this. I bet Gram would love to read it.
Hope you and the family are doing great
I am the daughter-in-law of Ken and Audrey and son, Ian’s wife. I was 22 when I 1st was introduced to the MacNeill clan and immediately I felt a sense of family.
and hunting (walks in the woods with his dog and an occasional bird for Dad.) They both talked at length and experienced many fond moments of early days from house building and family camping trips to going on hunting trips with 10 days of food prepared by Audrey!, (lucky them), fishing in the Cariboo (lots of trout), road trips with Ian’s work, hunting in Shawnigan area, gardening, sailing etc. A Lifetime of memories that our kids have shared. Lauren, Kristina and Shaun all have a love of Grandpa that embraced his stories and are also a very outdoorsy, nature conscious group.
My early years were around close Alberta family and I respected and admired Ken early on. Being a young nurse, I was a captive audience through his life as he told me about his early days with polio and onword with other health issues. He often would ask advise or just talk about his reflections on life with his health issues. I think he was very strong even though his legs tried to tell him otherwise. To the end he fought, and I admired that.
I agree with Ross, he love of nature and the joys it offered was shared with Ian and was/is a very big part of his life: fishing in places with no fish
When I think of Ken, I see Ian, the traits run deep. Neither have tolerance for their own mistakes and Audrey and I have commisserated over this because over the years Ian is more like his Dad. Now, I have softened to the impatience, try to understand, and let them release the stress. Better than keeping it in, I think.
Audrey has been his rock over a number of years and I thank God that he had her near to the end. 62 years…wow. He worried about Audrey and we reassured him many times that she would be well looked after. We need to know that of our loved ones and then can let go.
I have always felt very fortunate to have been included in this family’s bonds. They have been very generous with their kindness and to Ken’s end, the love was truly basking him.
Rest in peace, Ken, and thank you
With much Love, Doreen
Hi Kristina, I can’t believe I am writing this now that Gram has passed as well. I am sorry I hadn’t seen this until now but I am glad I did. What a month it has been and today must have been hard on you as well. Thank you for your comments. You can expect another ode for Gram coming soon… I have so much to say. God I loved those two people. XOXOX, Love Ross
Hi Doreen, I am so sorry I didn’t see this wonderful message sitting on my site until now… of all days.
Anyway, I love your story and your email to me. I still am amazed when I think of how wonderful you were for Pa in his last moments – words escape me when I think of how kind and loving you were. I will be posting something for Gram at some point this week as well and I promise if you share a comment again I will be faster to reply and to approve the posting. Love Ross